How Tarot Became my Lifeline to Sanity
It all started years and years ago when I met my future husband. I was super attracted to him. He had muscles, he had money and he knew how to fix just about anything! We got along so well since we were both Pisces. I was overjoyed to find out that he loved me, he wanted to be with me and wanted family! Who could ask for anything more? I was blissed out beyond belief, living on a pink cloud for weeks on end. And, he was too…
We got married 6 weeks after we met, still over the top blissed out. But when he told me, the day after the wedding, that he didn’t like kissing, hugging or holding hands, I quickly fell off my pink cloud. And, soon thereafter, he fell off his cloud too. One day, when my new pregnancy made me too tired to go shopping, he interpreted that as selfishness…
I found out years later that he never forgave me for being so “selfish.” My selfishness evidently made him feel so disappointed that he fell from the peaks of love into the deep, dark dungeon of eternal depression. He felt that marrying me was the biggest mistake he had ever made. And from that moment on, he blamed me for his loss of frequency. Slowly, his love turned to resentment, and his hostility poisoned our marriage.
The truth finally came out, that he had been battling depression and struggling with the meaninglessness of life since long before we met. Blame and shame were his favorite ways of seeking relief from the heaviness of depression. He would go from anger to depression, and back again, with weeks of silent treatments in between. I got so many silent treatments that I eventually got used to them…
The Beginning of the End
My cheerful, happy attitude, which is what he originally fell in love with, became my most annoying quality, simply because he couldn’t go there.
My endless flow of creative ideas became a target for his sarcasm and criticism. My connection with Spirit was ridiculed and laughed at on a daily basis. All the while, he was looking for other women, starting just a few months after I had my baby. He was looking for women who could inspire him, or make him feel better. Meanwhile I was taking care of kids, house, pets and business, as well as working my butt off trying to hold it all together.
Needless to say, it was too much. Why didn’t I leave? Can you say “twin-flame relationship?” He was the runner, I was the chaser, he was avoiding, I was nagging, he was breaking my heart and I was unsuccessfully pretending to be evolved enough to handle it. Plus, I didn’t want to be a single mom again. That is just too hard with a small child. So, I stayed, hoping, wishing and wanting things would get better… (which of course, they never did, lol).
In twin-flame relationships, you sooner or later come to a stage called surrender. This is where you have tried everything, and nothing is working. There is only one more option left: To turn the relationship over to Spirit and to find enough faith that no matter what happens, you know and trust, that it is for the best…
My Tarot Journey
This is when I started focusing on my relationship with Spirit, instead of the relationship with my husband. I learned to listen to my inner guidance, I became more intuitive, I started doing automatic writing of channeled messages, and I got really good at Tarot.
Whenever weird things happened between us that I didn’t understand, my Tarot cards showed me the truth. When he refused to speak to me, the cards showed me what the issues were. When I felt stuck and didn’t know what to do, the cards gave me guidance and faith.
As my faith grew, I was able to accept the situation I was in, because I could see how much I was learning! I felt so alone in my stuckness! The only way I could seek relief was by going within and learning to give myself the love that I previously wanted from him. I learned to be independent and make my own decisions, regardless of how much he judged me.
I learned to accept myself so much, that even when I made a mistake, I could still say “I love me,” and mean it. My own critical voice, that had become nothing more than a reflection of his, had to go. When I said no to both of those voices, my spring allergies completely healed because I no longer had to be defensive all the time.
The Next Stage
One day, I decided that I was done with surrender. I was finally ready for the next stage of twin-flame relationships, which is called radiance. I remember tuning into Spirit and saying “I want to become radiant! Fill me up with light! Help me to expand so much that I will attract a soulmate that is a perfect match for my new frequency!”
I could feel love radiating from my heart and energy expanding outward! As a result, the frequency gap between me and my husband became too much. He could no longer stand it. He felt like I had gone completely insane with all of my spiritual bullshit, and he just wanted out.
After going through a beyond-awful divorce where he ended up pointing a gun at my face and getting himself arrested, he has now vibrated himself completely out of my life. I am finally free again, and ready to move on.
Free at Last
My passion for Tarot stayed with me after the divorce as well. When my other business started to decline, Spirit told me very clearly that offering my hard earned Tarot skills was the next thing on my plate.
I was guided to connect with the right Tarot teachers to refine my skills, and my new journey started. Another Fool’s journey, taking a leap of faith for the umpteenth time, starting over again at 57…
You probably wonder if I ever get tired of being a Fool. And the answer is no. I am following my inner calling, my heart’s desire, my personal legend, my dreams of making a difference in the world. I’m here to bring in the New Age. How can you possibly be tired of that?
Numerologically, I was in a 6 year at the time of the divorce. 6 represents family, community, lovers and connecting with others. So, even at my ripe age of 57, I almost instantly found the soulmate I had been asking for. He is also on a spiritual path, and he loves me, believes in me and constantly challenges me to expand beyond my comfort zone. Who would have guessed that my new love was so close to entering my life? Thank God I got out of the other situation when I did, because I was so ready to meet him…
The journey wasn’t easy, but I’m proud of myself for not buckling under the pressure. Not only did I rise to the challenge, but I was able to keep my heart open, through it all. I grew from the experience in a million different ways, and now it is time to share all the lessons with others.
I am available to help you on your journey whenever you are ready. I want you to know that I am here for you, should the need arise. All you have to do is just reach out…
Photo by Susanna Marsiglia on Unsplash